The Polyamorous Misanthrope
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The Polyamorous Misanthrope
Welcome to the The Polyamorous Misanthrope, in which myself, the Goddess of Java, or some guest columnist will rant, rave and otherwise edify on some poly subject. If you have an idea for a column or a rant on spike, contact me and we'll talk it over. For past articles, check out the Archive.
Mama Java, she ain't gonna be writin' much of a column today. This is gonna be more of a blog, 'cause the family is dealin' with great crashing waves of stress and there's no real wisdom, snarkiness or thoughtfulness that's comin' into her brain.
Are these crashing waves poly-related? Yes and no. Some are and some aren't. Naw, not gonna itemize all of 'em. But even in the face of it, what does it mean to be going through a metric buttload of stress and be poly?
Interestingly enough, it helps.
My daughter has pneumonia. Again. For the fourth time in less than a year. Is this disturbing? Um... yes ! However, The Bird has three other parents, and I don't mean "kinda sorta parental figures". I mean people who get up with her in the night, take her to doctor's visits, go to school meetings and all that. This means that I have committed partners in parenting. This helps. It helps a lot .
I can recall a time when I was going through some serious personal crap when I felt very isolated -- felt like I had no support system or anyone who could possibly understand what was going on. That sucked and made all that shit harder to deal with. As I am coming to be more involved in the poly community, I've noticed something.
Recognizing your support system helps. See it for what it is. I'm going through more than I was at the time of feeling isolated and I'm doing miles better at coping. I'm doing better because I am seeing the support system that is around me and I'm leaning on it. I never used to like to do this, for various personal reasons that would be appropriate to share on a shrink's couch, but probably not here. If you have issues about sucking it up and dealing all by yourself? Make it a priority to get over it. You're poly, for God's sake! Take the bloody benefits!
But, give back, too. Those great crashing waves of stress I am talking about? I'm not going through most of them alone. My family is also dealing with them. While I do have my friend and family around me, I'm a member of a support system, too. It's a balance. I offer tea and sympathy and cookies and clue bats as needed, and I get them. It works out great.
I wrote an article on stress management a couple of years ago. It was a broad overview, and meant to get people in the habit of dealing, not awfulizing their situations and getting into the idea that it's okay to have an intense life, ya just gotta be prepared to deal.
I really do most of the things on that list. I do get plenty of exercise, I'm careful to get enough sleep. I am careful of my diet, and take my vitamins. I would probably benefit from throwing a mediation session in there more often than the irregular times when I'm Just Fed Up and go sit somewhere in the dark for awhile. But hey, pobody's nerfect, right? The limits thing? Hey, limits are for Other People, I'm Too Busy. (If you think this does me no good, you're right. I've finally accepted physical limits and been able to gently expand them -- don't do so well with the emotional limits thing, but I'm learnin').
One thing I did not discuss in that article and I wish I had was the idea of having a sense of humor. Learning to laugh at life's insanity helps. There's no need to take things seriously all the time -- oneself included. Don't take yourself so damned seriously. Don't take your life so damned seriously. Learn to find humor in a flat tire. Learn to laugh at a relationship that didn't work out. There's humor everywhere if only you look, and it can help. It's a good way to get perspective.
Me? Today I think I might go up the street and find a coloring book or one of those velvet posters you can color in. Then I'm gonna go to Tang Soo Do and hit stuff until I feel better. Maybe even make faces at the kids until they wonder if Mama has lost her mind.
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