Polyamory for the Practical

PolyFamilies's Frequently Asked Questions

1. What is polyamory?
   
   
Yes, this is the primary question we get asked in chat.  Polyamory means quite literally "multiple loves".  We find the "amory" part of this most important. It's polyamory, not polyfuckery, okay?



2. Do your husbands... Uhhh?? Well, you know...
   
   
No, they don't.  It is not a forgone conclusion that in a poly quad, everyone sleeps together.  Each family is different.  Polyamorous people have more or less the same range of sexual styles as monogamous people.



3. Don't you get jealous when your husband sleeps with the "other woman"?
   
   
She's not the "other woman", she's my wife.  No, I don't get jealous of that. I do get jealous of other things from time to time.  I wish I could sing like The Beast, or write music like the Goddess of Giggle or play piano as well as Our Prince.  (I'm just not too musically talented).  There are times when any one of us might feel ganged up on when the others have "issues" with one behavior or another.  Sexual jealousy isn't the issue. TIME with each other in various combinations often is.  With a business to run, a house to keep up and children to rear, time is a problem.



4. How do you decide who sleeps with whom?
   
   
Good question... Unless someone makes a specific request, we usually wait for two people to kind of wander off to a bedroom together.  It makes for a lot of late nights.  Well, we used to do this.   Now it's just two nights with one spouse, two with another....  It keeps things fair.



5. What do you do if you're caught in bed with the person who is not your original spouse?
   
   
Just like any other parent, stop what you're doing in a panic and blush a lot while demanding why they couldn't knock , while fuming internally at the poor timing.

If nothing is really going on, which is far more likely to be the case, the child is likely to climb into the bed for cuddles, a story and demands for breakfast.  You know, just like any other marriage.



6. Aren't you doing this because you cannot handle commitment and are taking the easy way out?
   
   
Our quad is a loving family.  This poly marriage is a very rewarding way to live.

Lean in closer, class so you can hear me well:

It's not the easy way out!

Marriage in general is not easy -- if you're trying to make it work well. You have two people with all the baggage of former lives and points of views and desires and what not.  Try that times four, with all the issues of two long-term marriages thrown in.  (My original husband and I have been together for twelve years, our spice for eight).  Like any marriage, it takes patience, love and understanding.  It requires that you know what you are doing and being willing to accept the consequences of your actions.  It requires truth.

We are committed to each other and to making this marriage last.