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Polyamory for the Practical

Poly Drawbacks

This site extols the virtues and advantages of being in a poly relationship, but:

I suppose to keep my ass from getting sued, I ought to point out Kids, don't try this at home .

Yeah, I know that sounds a little hypocritical, but hey, life ain't perfect and I am actually dead serious.

You see, what with all these advantages, there are drawbacks.

  1. You can lose your family.

    I know, there are plenty that would say, "No great loss if my relatives cannot accept me." And for them, it may be no big deal.   Other people who are close to their relatives, should keep this in mind.

  2. You can lose your kids.

    In Tennessee, a judge has ruled that a polyamorous marriage is by definition a bad environment for children.   He admitted no testimony from psychologists who examined the child and found her healthy.   Remember, in a family law case, a judge can rule according to personal taste unless there is a specific law against that situation.

  3. You can lose friends.

    Granted, I question the value of a friendship that will not accept new spice, but...  It can and does happen.

  4. You can lose your job.

    While a company would have a hard time getting away with firing someone for "sexual deviance", if a boss disapproves badly enough, another excuse can be found to fire you.

  5. You wind up either doing everything by committee or giving in to one person's direction.

    In a poly family, there are more needs and desires to be considered.   This means that you simply can't "go your own way".   (This is not meant to discuss poly relationships in which people do not live together or consider themselves married.   That is another matter, entirely).   Unless everyone is giving in to one person -- a very unhealthy way to do things, there's a lot of discussion going on.

  6. You can lose your property.

    Poly relationships do not have the automatic protections that a marriage does.   You want to protect your property, you have to draw up a contract yourself.   Go do it now. Make a will, too.

  7. You can lose your mate/s

    It is not unheard of for a poly family to fall apart, leaving one person holding the bag (and/or the kids), or losing everything, including the kids.   I am sorry to say that I have heard more horror stories than otherwise in poly families.  Guys, while you might be in love and want to be together, do remember that this is dangerous as hell.   Make no mistake about it.



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